Yo dont text me then not text me
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize
