i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
