Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
My hand turned me down
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
