dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
