I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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