My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
