My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I have feelings that need drinking.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
