halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
