For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
