You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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