You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize