Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
