Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
