i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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