i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
