Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
3pm strippers are depressing
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
