What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
