Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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