tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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