Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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