the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
