I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Randomize