I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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