I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
