She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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