The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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