well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
