Christians are straight up FREAKS
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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