Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
