He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
