I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
