All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Randomize
