So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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