I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
