I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
