His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
