i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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