I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
