I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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