We got so high we made milksteak
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
