I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
