I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize