I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
