would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
