i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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