my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
