I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
handjob tips. give me some.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
