I smell stomach acid.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
