I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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