I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
