If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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