i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
