So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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