why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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