im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
