Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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