btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
