never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Randomize
