Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
