Just fell off a train. Bad.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
