i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
