Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize