Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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