I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
