he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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