I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
