I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
