WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
